Natalie Whatley

Being a mom means many things to me, but an event I attended last week provided an epiphany of sorts:  While I play a large a role in my children’s lives, my children are also an enormous part of who I am and what I’m becoming.  I was also reminded that fear is a powerful motivator.  

For some, fear of public speaking ranks right up there with fear of death. I fall in that category. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can go one step further than my fearful counterparts: I fear death less than public speaking. That’s probably hard to believe as much as I run my mouth here, but it’s far easier for me to sit in my underwear and write than to stand up in front of you and envision you in yours.  

Getting back to being a mom and my revelation about motherhood, a couple of weeks ago my middle child asked me to take part in Gentry Junior School’s career day. One of his teachers is at least a semi- regular reader and passed along an invite. Of course I was flattered beyond words, but more special than that was the proud gleam in my boy’s eyes.  I accepted immediately. Then I panicked.

Back B.C. (before children) I enjoyed an interesting career as a paralegal in a downtown Houston law firm.  It was tough managing it with one young child, so I scaled back to part-time when the second was born.  About the time I had that under control, “Surprise!” number three was on the way.  For various reasons, I walked away from that office building and put my heart and soul into being “just a mom”—for ten years.

When I started writing this column in January of 2008, it was a transition for me as I embarked on a new chapter and looked for the ever-elusive “balance” mothers seek. Now that I’ve been at it almost a year and a half, a few people have seen me in the paper; that’s what led to public speaking and career day.

I fretted over what to say and how to say it for a good while. Scooter and Shadow, my dog and cat, served as my test audience when I practiced the day before almost to the point of making myself hoarse. I was pretty pumped because they didn’t have a single negative comment after listening to my presentation numerous times. Do animals hear while they’re sleeping? To keep my self-esteem somewhat intact, I’m going to assume they do.

I made my appearance, delivered a twenty-minute talk (ELEVEN times) on freelance writing, the paralegal profession, and how one led to the other for me.  The first group probably wondered why my neck was broken out in hives, but I was pretty much at ease by the time I reached group eleven.  (Those hives are not particularly attractive, but I’ll take them over passing out, which is what I feared was going to happen.)

While driving home, feeling pretty good about my fear of letting down my favorite 12-year-old trump my phobia of public speaking, it occurred to me that over the past 17 years the three people I pull out of cozy beds each morning have consistently dragged me out of my comfort zone. The rapid heartbeat, queasiness, inability to breathe, heck, full-blown panic attacks have made me a better person. Moms have growing pains, too!  And when I grow up, I still want to be a mommy.  Fear:  You’re not the boss of me!

Happy Mother’s Day to all my sisters in motherhood!

© 2009 Natalie Whatley

 ***Hours after submitting for publication in The Baytown Sun, I had lunch with Jeff. The fortune cookie I got after my meal: “Don’t be afraid of fear.” Hmmm…Somebody’s trying to tell me something!

Tags: fear, fear of public speaking, junior high career day, Mother's Day, public speaking