Natalie Whatley

There are many times in life when one must be in full control of his or her faculties – auto-pilot simply won’t do. As an intermittent member of the insomniacs club, I’ve learned to function through the basics while failing miserably in anything above and beyond. Looking back at the span of my almost-39 years and reviewing previous episodes of sleep deprivation, they were actually short-lived. This installment feels longer because I’m presently immersed.      

I can’t think of a time in recent years when I could let my guard down – parenting is a round-the-clock, full-time assignment – most days I’m amazed when I make it to bedtime with everything done. That makes my little sleep problem somewhat of a puzzle. How could I be so exhausted only to be wide awake when my head hits the pillow? What’s up with that? Could someone please stop the hamster scampering on the wheel inside my head? (She won’t listen to me.) She runs with purpose and like she’s got an intended destination, but bless her heart, she never gets where she’s going. (I suspect she doesn’t really know.)

I chuckled when fellow columnist Luke Hales mentioned having the same problem, but he has some crazy work hours to blame. Then I confirmed a suspicion and verified that insomnia is quite common among writers – among a few other not-so-good maladies. I’ll not divulge which ones afflict me because I like to be somewhat of a mystery and keep people guessing.

During my late nights/early mornings, I’ve researched all sorts of things looking for a “cure”.  Sleeping pills scare me. I don’t think the over-the-counter versions would be strong enough and the prescription ones . . . YIKES! I’ll take not sleeping for the remainder of my life, which incidentally and according to doctors will be shortened if this goes on long-term, rather than suffer the side-effects of those.  Seriously . . . trading sleep for dizziness, facial swelling, headache, prolonged drowsiness, severe allergic reactions, and sleep behaviors such as sleep-driving and sleep-eating . . . no thanks. And those are just the in-general possibilities with them all. Looking at the specifics for each drug is more frightening.  

Melatonin, a hormone our brains produce (apparently mine’s too busy keeping the hamster going), controls our sleep/wake cycles. The man-made supplements available at the local drug store and taken before I bed down work very well putting me out. However, they incite very vivid dreams. I wake a couple of short hours later, often with my heart racing and once again unable to capture sleep. Thankfully, I’ve not had the nightmares some have experienced. If I ever do, that will be the end of the melatonin experiment.

I’ve exercised like crazy hoping to wear myself down to the point of sleep not being optional for my body. The upside is that I’ve managed weight loss instead of the weight gain typically seen with insomnia.

Tried tricking myself and making a long list of boring tasks, “All right, girl, we’re up for the night, and here’s what we’re gonna do.”  The sad part: I plow right through with nary a touch of drowsiness. From there I move on to reading things any normal human would classify as dull, only to find myself engrossed.

I used to be embarrassed answering e-mail at odd hours — forced myself to get over it. I figure anyone who wants to talk about what I’m doing up at 3:12 a.m. will someday suffer the same plight, be remorseful for gossiping, and get to a place of understanding, or not. I’m too tired to care.

So there you have it. If you see me looking a little haggard, you know why. I’ll look like a zombie just in time for Halloween.

© 2009 Natalie Whatley

Tags: insomnia