Natalie Whatley

Since today marks a very special day for all mothers to be honored, I spent some time searching out greeting cards with just the right sentiments for my own set of maternal figures. The major producers of such cards aim to hit every angle of motherhood and supposedly have something fit for everyone. But as I read I realized I may have created a potential problem for my own offspring. 

But first, a little history on the greeting card: The beginnings of the likes of Hallmark and American Greetings date back to civilizations from over 500 years ago. Ancient cards were simple slips of papyrus exchanged by Chinese and Egyptian cultures with wishes of fortune and goodwill.

Sometime in the 1400s the Europeans caught on to the social wave and the wealthiest among them had cards hand-delivered. Around the globe, most of the population could not afford such luxury, but in the 1840s the invention of the postage stamp gave true birth to the greeting card industry.

Today, there are seemingly endless possibilities in store greeting-card aisles and computers have even provided us the ability to customize and print a card in the comfort of our own homes. Thanks to often sappy marketing, we all know what we’re “supposed” to do and when . . . what’s polite and expected.

Looking through the lens of some of the shenanigans perpetrated by my own three darling not-so-little-anymore cherubs, I get a slight thrill out of the bullets I know they will sweat in trying to find the perfect card for their own mother.

I’m a mish-mash of all sorts of parenting styles depending on the kid and the moment, but I’ve been consistently inconsistent. That counts for something, right?

Anyway, reading card after card I wondered how my children will view me from their own adulthoods. I’m hoping history will be kind. We only get one shot and with less-than-perfect vision I’ve tried to hit the constantly-squirming target.

What memory will stand out the most as they reflect on Mother’s Day with supposed 20/20 hindsight? My best days or my worst? Kindness or anger? Smile or scowl? Sanity or lunacy?

From my perspective, all my patience and goodwill were used up back in a time they probably don’t remember. Not that I want to change the practice, but it’s sort of a shame that kids tend to leave the nest on the heels of the tumultuous teen years when angst and strife have peaked.

Only time will tell what kind of history memories will produce. If I had to guess from the midst of where I stand now—between young folks and perils they readily dismiss—I’d say all the prefabbed sweetness and light is not in the cards for my foreseeable future. But in finding greetings for my own moms, I know the day will come when the benevolent struggle will be seen with clarity and finding just the right card will be easy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

© 2011 Natalie Whatley

Being a mom means many things to me, but an event I attended last week provided an epiphany of sorts:  While I play a large a role in my children’s lives, my children are also an enormous part of who I am and what I’m becoming.  I was also reminded that fear is a powerful motivator.  

For some, fear of public speaking ranks right up there with fear of death. I fall in that category. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can go one step further than my fearful counterparts: I fear death less than public speaking. That’s probably hard to believe as much as I run my mouth here, but it’s far easier for me to sit in my underwear and write than to stand up in front of you and envision you in yours.  

Getting back to being a mom and my revelation about motherhood, a couple of weeks ago my middle child asked me to take part in Gentry Junior School’s career day. One of his teachers is at least a semi- regular reader and passed along an invite. Of course I was flattered beyond words, but more special than that was the proud gleam in my boy’s eyes.  I accepted immediately. Then I panicked.

Back B.C. (before children) I enjoyed an interesting career as a paralegal in a downtown Houston law firm.  It was tough managing it with one young child, so I scaled back to part-time when the second was born.  About the time I had that under control, “Surprise!” number three was on the way.  For various reasons, I walked away from that office building and put my heart and soul into being “just a mom”—for ten years.

When I started writing this column in January of 2008, it was a transition for me as I embarked on a new chapter and looked for the ever-elusive “balance” mothers seek. Now that I’ve been at it almost a year and a half, a few people have seen me in the paper; that’s what led to public speaking and career day.

I fretted over what to say and how to say it for a good while. Scooter and Shadow, my dog and cat, served as my test audience when I practiced the day before almost to the point of making myself hoarse. I was pretty pumped because they didn’t have a single negative comment after listening to my presentation numerous times. Do animals hear while they’re sleeping? To keep my self-esteem somewhat intact, I’m going to assume they do.

I made my appearance, delivered a twenty-minute talk (ELEVEN times) on freelance writing, the paralegal profession, and how one led to the other for me.  The first group probably wondered why my neck was broken out in hives, but I was pretty much at ease by the time I reached group eleven.  (Those hives are not particularly attractive, but I’ll take them over passing out, which is what I feared was going to happen.)

While driving home, feeling pretty good about my fear of letting down my favorite 12-year-old trump my phobia of public speaking, it occurred to me that over the past 17 years the three people I pull out of cozy beds each morning have consistently dragged me out of my comfort zone. The rapid heartbeat, queasiness, inability to breathe, heck, full-blown panic attacks have made me a better person. Moms have growing pains, too!  And when I grow up, I still want to be a mommy.  Fear:  You’re not the boss of me!

Happy Mother’s Day to all my sisters in motherhood!

© 2009 Natalie Whatley

 ***Hours after submitting for publication in The Baytown Sun, I had lunch with Jeff. The fortune cookie I got after my meal: “Don’t be afraid of fear.” Hmmm…Somebody’s trying to tell me something!

Happy Mother’s Day to all who have given themselves to paving the road into the future.  

In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson declared the second Sunday in May a national holiday for honoring mothers’ contributions to society.  It’s an incredibly important job with lengthy tenure, long hours, pay outside the material realm, and rewards beyond measure.  As a mother, I know the trials and tribulations as well as the immense pride and joy. I didn’t know there would be special angels sent to shed some light on the meaning of true love and incredible faith.

On this day reserved for celebrating, I’d like to recognize a very special group – mothers of special needs children. You are an inspiration, and I marvel at your grace, patience and strength.  I’ve realized it’s no coincidence that I encountered you after what I perceived as difficulty with one of my own children. I may have been angry, or glum, and there you were to remind me to put my petty grievances into perspective. You carry a far greater load, and I had no right being the one feeling saddled down. You often pick me up, and today, it’s my turn.

While getting to know some of you, I learned what I knew had to be true. There was a time in your life when acceptance of what had been placed in your hands was difficult. Yet, it’s you, who have taught me about acceptance and true unconditional love. You have all the same hopes and dreams that I have for my children – happiness, success, and societal acceptance.  

Your days are filled with more challenges than I’ll see in a lifetime. You handle it all with poise and an inner peace I can’t even begin to understand. Sure, you have bad days, and lose it just like the rest of us, but there’s something in you…you’re fighters and you take it all in stride.

I imagine that the triumphs of your child must be far sweeter than anything I can fathom. How many of you were told, “He/she will never…..” So many of you took that as a challenge, and it’s the greatest act of defiance I’ve ever seen. You’re tenacious in pushing beyond the limits someone else placed on you and your child’s life. Some say you’re in denial.  I call it amazing.

Neither you, nor your child chose the fate of a lifelong disability, and you wish people understood that fact. Even in the face of cruelty, exhaustion, and isolation you move forward – grateful to the people who offer support, compassion, or just plain kindness. 

Necessity often requires you to be consumed by what must be done each day.  I see YOU.  That child is precious and surely would not be where they are today had it not been for your perseverance and dedication. Don’t think for one second you’ve become invisible. You’re beautiful inside and out, with a heart of gold, and a halo to match. I’m honored to be a mom alongside true angels on earth, and humbled in your presence.  

Happy Mother’s Day, Donna and Jennifer. Thank you for lighting the path so that I could see.

© 2008 Natalie Whatley